At times it seems the littlest Pie is a grumpy old man in an almost 3 year old body. Its awesome because it always makes me laugh and not so awesome sometimes because well, he’s a grumpy puss a lot. But he can also be the sweetest little thing.
Tonight I’m not feeling so great. I’m achy, cold, and my nose is a leaky faucet and let’s add in cramps for added fun. I decided to get the two smaller kids in jammies and in my bed to snuggle and watch a movie. Big sister fell asleep quickly but my not my grumpy old man. He snuggled next to me for a bit and stroked my cheek then he yawned and before he rolled over he put his tiny, warm hand under my chin until and whispered “psst, love you mama”.
I mean I just don’t even know where he came from. He’s amazing. My Sweet Little Pie. Moments like these make me think I’m not completely failing as a parent. He had to learn that from someone!
Ridiculous. When I say that I mean me. I’m ridiculous. The sole responsibility for my daughter’s need to be in my bed is my fault. Entirely.
I don’t know if it was because she was a girl or because she was this teeny tiny peanut of toddler I just couldn’t let her sleep by herself. And now I’m paying for it. Don’t get me wrong, I am ok with the occasional nighttime wander in but she is in here almost every night. I was a sucker. I used to let her fall asleep in my bed because it was easier than me lying on her floor while she fell asleep. Then later half lying in and out of her toddler bed. Then much later hanging off the edge of her twin bed. Good grief.
Then for about a year, she was falling asleep in my bed and I was moving her. That was working until one day it wasn’t. I would pick her up asleep and she’d say, “what are you doing?” like she’d been awake the whole time. Some nights she’d let me move her but then wander back in an hour later. Or I’ll move her and she’ll cry and I can’t deal with that because well A. I have a full-time job, and B. I have two other kids. It was more important at the time for us all to get some sleep.
She’s gonna be 6 in two weeks and my youngest is 2. I am happy to say he sleeps in his crib. He goes in awake and falls asleep on his own. I’d like to say it’s because I didn’t let him sleep in here but the truth is I really think it depends on the kid.
It didn’t bother me until recently. The longer we are married and the more involved in our children’s lives we become has kind of made me realize that I need to sleep next to my husband. I need to feel that connection with the man I married. We need that time just to be able to talk about things that are not about who is picking up which kid and taking them to which class. I’m ok with our lives being about our kids. I love them so much but sometimes I need it to be about him and me. And let’s not forget about physical intimacy as well.
They say hindsight is 20/20 and honestly if anyone asked me for new baby advice I would tell them to let their kids learn how to self soothe. There has to be a happy medium. I’m not talking full on “oh my baby is 6 weeks old they should sleep all night” but when they are older, you know your kid and you know when they really need you or are just sort of figuring it all out.
But alas, I know I never listened to advice so at least when you go ahead and Google, “how to get my kid out of my bed” you’ll know you’re not alone.
I will win this battle. Or she’ll grow up and PS, I’m sure I’ll hate it.