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Sweet Little Pie

At times it seems the littlest Pie is a grumpy old man in an almost 3 year old body. Its awesome because it always makes me laugh and not so awesome sometimes because well, he’s a grumpy puss a lot. But he can also be the sweetest little thing. 

Tonight I’m not feeling so great. I’m achy, cold, and my nose is a leaky faucet and let’s add in cramps for added fun. I decided to get the two smaller kids in jammies and in my bed to snuggle and watch a movie. Big sister fell asleep quickly but my not my grumpy old man. He snuggled next to me for a bit and stroked my cheek then he yawned and before he rolled over he put his tiny, warm hand under my chin until and whispered “psst, love you mama”. 

I mean I just don’t even know where he came from. He’s amazing. My Sweet Little Pie. Moments like these make me think I’m not completely failing as a parent. He had to learn that from someone! 

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New Year. Not sure how that happened. 

Seems I blinked and it was Christmas and now? 2017, whoa. 

I need to resolve to make time for me. I need to resolve to not put off things I want to do because I’m “tired” “out of time” or “too busy”. People always say to make time and maybe it’s time I did. 

My mental health hasn’t been great the last year. Ok, if I’m being honest the last 3-4. When I say mental health I mean anxiety with a side of depression. Being in denial about depression wasn’t he best thing I’ve ever done but I have finally gotten my head out of my ass long enough to know I needed a med change and a therapist. 

Granted I’ve only seen the therapist once but I am going to be making another appointment. She asked me to start journaling and honestly I have only done it twice.  And once I only did because I couldn’t stop crying and that was the only thing that helped. Ive been too terrified to read that entry but I’m going to try and get my thoughts down here. It seems I always have my phone or a computer so it shouldn’t be too difficult to type up a short post a few times a week. 

Plus there’s the book “reviews” I like to dole out. 

This year I want to be a better wife, a better mom, a better friend, a better employee, and just an all around better person. To do that I need to work on me. So here goes nothing. 

Happy and healthy 2017 to all! 

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Exhume – Book Review

Exhume by Danielle Girard (Dr. Schwartzman , #1) exhume

Psychological Thrillers are hit or miss with me usually. I either hate them or love them. This one, I loved. I’ve never read this author before. This was my choice for the August 2016 Kindle First read.

The one thing I can say that bothered me was the fact that Dr. Schwartzman was mostly referred to as “Schwartzman” through most of the novel. I am not even sure why it bothered me but it did. I found myself calling her Anna a lot of the time.

Anna is the ME in San Francisco where she ended up after leaving a psycho husband. Sort of Sleeping With the Enemyish but without the fake death. She is called to investigate a murder of a woman that’s her spitting image. This is the start of a series of events and I had no idea how the story was going to end up. I kept guessing and kept getting it wrong.

Anna or ok, fine, Schwartzman, was a very likable woman and you couldn’t help but root for her. She was strong and cautious and at times didn’t always make the right choices, however, I think that made her more real. The ex-husband. Wow a total and complete narcissistic psychopath.

Overall this book was enjoyable and fast paced, I had to know what happened and read every chance I could get. 4 stars on this one.

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A Dream

A few weeks ago it’s 4:13 am and I wake up from some insane dream. It was one of those dreams where you wake up and you’re not sure if it was a dream or if it was reality. It felt so absolutely real that I couldn’t shake it. I told my husband about it in detail and actually took notes in my phone so I would remember it. dreams-reality-d-citylife

I am in child’s bedroom. Whether it’s my child’s bedroom, or I’m the child isn’t clear. I never see what I look like. I don’t even know if I’m me. There is a closed-door and it looks absolutely ordinary. A plain brown wooden door with a dull knob that looks as though it has been turned a least a million times, underneath is a keyhole with a shiny purple key in the lock.

When the door is opened, its bright white with glitter all over it and one of those old-fashioned doorknobs that looks like a huge diamond. On this side of the door there is no lock, no key.

Once you step through the door it appears you’re in the same bedroom. Only on this side I somehow know that all the things I think do not exist, do. Santa, Tooth Fairy, witches, wizards, fairies, all those things from childhood that give us our sense of wonder. I explore around the room with this amazing sense of happiness and joy. i can’t help but smile and giggle at all the many things I know I will come across and see on this side of the door.

There’s a loud noise and something startles me and makes me run back through the door. I lock the door and as soon as I put the key from the lock, it turns to vapor in my hand. I’m left with this overwhelming sense of dread. Like I singlehandedly closed the door to all things that make me and everyone in the world, happy.

After writing it all out in coherent sentences, I realized, it sounds an awful lot like a recurringworld dream I used to have when I was in high school. I used to dream that rather than the Earth being part of a solar system that orbited the sun, I was the person holding up the world. I would constantly dream about dropping it. I had to keep a dream journal for a psychology class and had the dream numerous times over the few months I had to write them down. I remember my teacher saying this was me being stressed and worrying about things I didn’t have any control over.

I’ve shared before that I have anxiety. Anxiety is relatively new for me. Well, I suppose it’s not exactly new. I first started noticing it in 2010 after I had my daughter. (I’m still convinced that having her hormones on top of mine sort of made mine go into overdrive but hey what do I know?) I would have these insane thoughts that I couldn’t shake. Not thoughts where I’d hurt myself or her or even anyone else just thoughts about things I couldn’t control. It was as if I had mini movies playing in my head I couldn’t stop seeing. I used to be able to rationalize them but then one day I couldn’t.

There is so much in my life I cannot control and I’m pretty sure I don’t need a dream interpreter to see what my subconscious mind is telling me. But damn, if someone took this idea and ran it would make an interesting book. Or maybe that’s in my head. Too bad I’m not a writer. 😉

 

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Never Never Series- Book Review

Never Never

Never Never by Colleen Hoover & Tarryn Fisher

I blew through these and not only because they were novellas but because I could not put them down. I had to know.

I’m a girl who has a love hate relationship with suspense/mysteries. I love them because I love trying to piece things together and see what happens in the end. I hate them because I absolutely cannot stand the wait. I feel like I cannot read fast enough. I especially love them when I don’t see what’s coming.

Written in alternating point of views, we start of with Charlie in a classroom. She hasn’t a clue how she got there, who she is, or any immediate memories. Then we go to Silas and he cannot remember anything either. I will admit at first it was strange and I found myself being sort of annoyed. As if I wasn’t in on something. A few chapters later and I was past the point of no return.

We follow Silas and Charlie through their journey to find out who they are. Through their days in school and meeting their friends and families for the first time, you feel like you’re there with them. Their anxiety about who they are and why they don’t know is so real. I felt as if I was with them on Bourbon Street trying to figure things out.

There isn’t a whole lot I can say without spoiling. You just have to go for the ride yourself. Hoover is one of my favorite contemporary writers and this didn’t disappoint although I think I would have preferred one book but it was fun and the cover art on all the books is beautiful and sort of foreshadowing.

Destiny. Fate. They are real. I believe that.

 

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Resolutions, or whatever.

Whether I was ready for it or not 2016 showed up. I had every intention in 2015 of doing so many things. I can’t say I didn’t do any of them, but I certainly didn’t do all of them.

This year I’m going to put down a few things and just hope. In no particular order:

  • Read at least 52 books this year.
  • Choose books outside of my normal realm.
  • Read more books with the kids.
  • Yell less.
  • Put down my phone more.
  • Move.
  • Organize. Nothing specifically, just organize… thoughts & things.
  • Get my bed back.
  • Blog more often.
  • Review all the books I read.
  • Get back on the 21 Day Fix food plan.
  • Get back to excercising daily.
  • Figure out my Young Living Essential Oils.
  • Give 100% at work.
  • Be accountable for my actions and words.
  • Cook more.
  • Find new ways to deal with anxiety.
  • Be more forgiving.
  • Be more understanding.
  • Be available.
  • Be less self absorbed.

Come on 2016… I know you’ve got some good in store for me, I can feel it.

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My “Reviews”

I use the term “review” lightly. I am by no means a professional or paid book reviewer (though one can dream, right?) when I say “book review” I mean my thoughts on books I’ve read.

I read for fun and I read what interests me. That can be anything from Young Adult to Horror to Parenting books. I read and then post my thoughts about them. Everything I say should be taken with a grain of salt.

I do try not to post spoilers too often however, sometimes my thoughts cannot be explained without them. I do, however, always warn before I spoil something. This goes for book thoughts, movie thoughts, music thoughts, and TV show thoughts.

That being said my blog isn’t really just about books, movies, music, or TV, it’s about all random life stuff that I am either trying to remember or ranting about so I can move on and forget it. If you are reading, enjoy. 🙂